Yesterday, I sat. I did not know when I got up in the morning that this was the plan. I went to work as usual. But I had a headache and felt “off”. I taught my early class. I felt better after. But I still felt, “off”. I did my yoga practice; took it easy but spent time on the mat and realized as I was there, I needed to sit, down, for the day. I considered what I had scheduled and knew I could push through and I would be fine. It was a lot to have to cancel. But I really needed to sit. Down. And so I did. I sat down on the couch with a book and the dog and I rested. I looked outside. I enjoyed the color of the leaves on my neighbor’s tree. I pet the dog. He was warm. Snuggly. Relaxed. So was I.
I share this with a little giggle at myself because it was not until the end of the day that I realized that this was what I had already been teaching this week. In fact, I woke up Sunday morning thinking of a story that I then told in class. The story is about a farmer who has lived on the same farm that his grandparents and parents had lived on. He is in his 80’s and he’s been there all his life. His children decided that he should see his beautiful property from a different perspective and they arranged for a ride in a small plane to view his place from the air. The day came, they were all excited. They loaded him up in the plane and off he went. The pilot flew him around for a bit while his children watched from the ground. When the plane landed, they helped him out of the plane and with great anticipation asked, “Well, how was it? Did you enjoy it? What did you see?” And the farmer said, “Well, you know, it was hard to really pay much attention. You see, I am used to being on the ground working and I never could quite let my weight down into that plane and just sit there. It took a lot of work to hold myself up that whole time and I guess I just didn’t really look around much.”
In sharing this story in class earlier this week, I suggested that perhaps many of us do this all the time. We just get used to doing things the way we do them and we willfully hold ourselves up, pushing through without really letting our weight down to allow ourselves to just flow with the current that is there to support us. Many of us have come to believe that current is there and have even experienced its grace at times. But how consistently do we really trust it and let ourselves be carried?
I also shared on Sunday that immediately after thinking of this story, I felt very strongly that I needed to (and this seemed like one of those messages from above…) “Put it all down!” I fantasized about a day of no technology. A quiet day with nothing that had to be done; a day to simply sit, be quiet and let myself be. Then I thought about how I could maybe make that happen, in about 6 or 8 weeks. Too busy until then!
And then I woke up Tuesday morning and ….. well, you know the story. I let my weight down. I bowed to the call of my heart to rest. To take the day off even though I wasn’t sick and to let go of needing to do.
Now is the part where I want to write and maybe you are expecting, the big aha that came from all of that. There wasn’t one. It was truly just a day to rest. And it was good!