As Americans many of us have a strong sense and value for independence.
Independence of our country will be celebrated this weekend and I know that for many, most even, the appreciation of the personal freedom we have living here, and which has been deeply enculturated over time, will come to mind. We love being independent!
Dependency, need, an inability to provide for oneself – these all bring up discomfort, judgement – even the most compassionate of us, if honest, likely have some thought or feeling that these qualities indicate a lesser circumstance.
I do love my independence. I am proud of what I have accomplished in my life. I work hard – too hard sometimes – my efforts keep me going (and sometimes wear me down!) The places in my life where I feel dependent often grate on me. I have to actively cultivate acceptance, self-love and kindness to not feel less than. This has enhanced my sense of independence. I can truly care for myself; take care of myself; appreciate myself.
I am, at my foundation, happy and whole.
I believe that. I experience that. I stay mindfully present, although at times with effort, to remain connected, to that. It has taken some work to get to that consistent place. I celebrate that I am not dependent on external circumstances to provide it.
It is within me.
I recently started dating again. After several years of a marriage shifting, changing, ending; selling my home, moving; divorce – its fun. I feel lighter. I feel happier.
But, WAIT!!! I don’t need someone else’s validation or presence to feel happy or good about myself. I find myself in resistance – I don’t want that! I have worked hard to be in this state regardless of the other. It IS within me. AND, it is beautifully supported, nurtured and even growing by being in the presence of attention, attraction and acknowledgement. By being seen by another and validated something more opens up.
Once again, a sweet reminder about the importance of connection. Yes, it is within AND having it reflected back helps magnify it.
Is that dependence that makes me weak? Needy? Less than?
Still, even after all this time,
the sun never says to the earth:
“You owe me.”
Look what happens with a love like that,
it lights up the whole sky!
My interdependence: something to celebrate as firecracker exploding brilliance far exceeding what I can ever do all on my own.
Ah, this is love! And no, I am not “in love” (yet?) but this, this is what love is about.
So be brilliant on your own. And love. Love with your heart wide open. Connect and let your brilliance magnify under that light.